


Of Mesopotamian Tablets and Flustered Angels

by HolyQuiznak01



Series: Ineffable Husbands: Compiled [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Awkward Demons, Epic of Gilgamesh - Freeform, M/M, Post-Canon, based off a tumblr thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 06:53:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19268050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolyQuiznak01/pseuds/HolyQuiznak01
Summary: Crowley gifts Aziraphale a lot of things. He gives Aziraphale a tablet of the Epic of Gilgamesh to celebrate the opening of the bookshop that he's held onto for a couple of millennia. Aziraphale doesn't know the origin, and Crowley would prefer not to tell him. Aziraphale finds out anyways.





	Of Mesopotamian Tablets and Flustered Angels

**Author's Note:**

> Continuation of a little short by buckysbears on tumblr.
> 
> The post:  
> Crowley, who has no idea how bookshops work because he’s never been in one, tosses something over. “A little present. Congrats on the shop.”
> 
> Aziraphale huffs as he catches it, not expecting it to be so heavy. He delights as he tears off the paper, no matter that he’s a little nervous. “Crowley…” His voice is slow, cautious. “What is this?”
> 
> “A present,” Crowley says again.
> 
> “No, I understand that.” Aziraphale tries to find the most delicate way to phrase it. “I’m a little rusty, but if I didn’t know better, I’d think this is an original tablet of the Epic of Gilgamesh. Which is an absurd thought, because that’s clearly something you don’t have.”
> 
> “Is that …” He blinks, all innocence. “Not the kind of thing that goes in bookshops?”
> 
> “Where did you get this? Did you steal it?”
> 
> Crowley puts a hand over his chest. “I’m hurt.”
> 
> “I’m serious, Crowley. Did you take this from a museum?”
> 
> Both Crowley and Aziraphale had taken credit for museums with their respective organizations.
> 
> “What, do you want me to put it back?” He holds a hand out, fingers wagging.
> 
> Aziraphale pulls it against his chest. “No. No, I just …” He clears his throat. “No. I’m keeping it.”
> 
> Crowley nods, playing it cool. Partly because he is cool, and partly because he doesn’t want the angel to know he’s been holding onto it for over a thousand years now, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to give it to him.
> 
> It would just go straight to his head.

Crowley wasn’t very sentimental. Well, that wasn’t particularly true. There were three things in the world that he did, in fact, have sentiments about.

The first, of course, was his Bentley.

The second? His plants, although he would deny till his last moment any attachment to them.

The third, and debatably most important, was his angel. 1

His affection for, or rather a tendency to like, Aziraphale made him do stupid things. 2

For one, he had a... _tendency_ 3 to  _keep an eye_  out for rare books and such.

This  _tendency_  also included occasionally 4 gifting books and other works to the angel. 5

Not that the angel ever knew Crowley kept an eye on rare and ancient books, of course. We couldn’t have anything that would harm Crowley’s  _reputation_.

The most recent of these gifts was a tablet containing the Epic of Gilgamesh. Aziraphale had assumed it came from a museum. Crowley was happy to keep it at that.

Of course, things never worked out well for Crowley. Evil contains the seeds of its own destruction indeed. 7

 

> 1 Disclaimer: this list is not in the order of most to least liked.
> 
> 2 History is full of people who do stupid things to love. Being an immortal and a demon just means that Crowley is able to do more stupid things.
> 
> 3 It wasn’t so much a tendency as it was a habit at this point.
> 
> 4 Constantly.
> 
> 5 There was basically no way to justify this. Crowley had tried and given up three millenniums ago when he had said he was ‘encouraging the act of selfishness’. 6
> 
> 6 Aziraphale had gifted him a bottle of old wine. Centuries-old wine.
> 
> 7 Crowley would argue that he isn’t Evil. A demon, yes. Not nice, yes. But Evil? Evil was a bit overrated.

 

Aziraphale greatly treasured all of his literature, whether it be modern paper books or ancient papyrus scrolls. Aziraphale also treasured Crowley’s gifts, no matter how much he tried to deny it. 1

This meant that all of Crowley’s book gifts were displaced within ‘his’ corner of the shop, where any possible customers were Heavily Discouraged from approaching.

You see, even if Aziraphale did not particularly  _approve_  of the act of stealing, a book was still a book. And Aziraphale’s greatest weakness would be any form of literature. 2

The most recent of Crowley’s gift was an engraved poem that was oftentimes considered the earliest surviving piece of literature. It was quite valuable, and could probably fetch a nice price. Aziraphale assumed that at some point it was in a museum.

He quickly3 found himself being disillusioned.

 

> 1 It wouldn’t do, having an agent of Heaven be  _fond_ of a demon.
> 
> 2 His greatest weakness was also, debatably, Crowley.
> 
> 3 An angel’s idea of ‘quickly’ is quite different from ours.

 

Gabriel 1 was a lover of history, _especially_ whenit had to do with Mesopotamia. He’d researched  _every_  artefact left over and had visited all the museum exhibits, even the small-and-out-of-the-way ones. So imagine his surprise upon finding another artefact, tucked away in the back of an unknown bookshop 2, that had no record of ever being in a museum.

Surely the owner did not realize the worth of such a tablet, he thought. In fact, it didn’t seem to be very well displayed at all! 3

He waved his hand to get the attention of the owner, who didn’t seem to see him. 4 Gabriel sighed and tried to pull the tablet out from the shelf. It seemed to be quite stuck. Not discouraged, he proceeded to walk back to the front of the shop.

“Excuse me, I would like to purchase the tablet you have in the back.” He panted. 5

“The tablet is not for sale.” The cherubic-looking man replied.

“But...this is a bookshop,” Gabriel glanced around, confused. “And you don’t even know which one I’m talking about.”

“Your point is?”

Gabriel would have pointed out all of the problems in the statement, but instead found himself not really wanting to.

“Look, sir, I would be willing to pay a very high price for the tablet.” He pulled out his wallet.

“Not interested.” A small wave of Disinterest hit Gabriel, who shook it off and was reimmersed into the deal.

“You have a  _never-before-seen_  fragment of the Mesopotamian collection!” 6 That seemed to catch the owner’s attention.

“I’m sure it was available in a museum at some point.” Aziraphale huffed. What was the customer even playing at in the first place?

“I have dedicated  _three_   _decades_  of my life keeping up on the collection. This has  _never_  been seen before. In fact, I’m not even sure how you came upon this piece.” 7 

Gabriel noted that the owner seemed quite surprised by this revelation.

 

> 1 Not the archangel. This Gabriel was just a regular human.
> 
> 2 Gabriel was one of those bull-headed types. He meant well, but he truly did quite love history. If it weren’t for his insistence to purchase the tablet, he and Aziraphale might have gotten along.
> 
> 3 In reality, the more Aziraphale treasured a book meant the worse it was displayed. He may be proud of the books, but he wasn’t an  _idiot_.
> 
> 4 He did. Aziraphale just didn’t want to deal with anybody stubborn-minded who wished to buy anything from that corner.
> 
> 5 History lovers were not particularly fit, and at this point, Aziraphale’s bookstore was more gymnasium than shop.
> 
> 6 Gabriel was not a successful collector.  _Any_  successful collector knew to downplay the price of a material in order to swindle it from the owner.
> 
> 7 At this point, the writer wishes to clarify that Crowley had gifted it to Aziraphale only one decade prior to this encounter.

 

Aziraphale noted that there was still a  _customer_  in the shop, and shoved an Order of Oh!-I-have-an-urgent-appointment-right-now-and-I-should-leave towards him. 1

He only numbly felt the customer reluctantly leave and waved the sign to ‘Closed’ after the customer.

Surely, he was mistaken? Three decades was such a short time, it could have been possible the young man had lost track of a few artefacts.

But no, he’d seemed so sure of the fact that it had never been in a museum before. Had he been mistaken in assuming that Crowley had taken it from a museum? 3 Crowley had practically confirmed it himself.

He miracled a cup of cocoa 4 into hand and wearily sat down into an armchair that had not been there a second ago.

A knock sounded on the door.

“We’re closed!” He called out instinctively.

Surely Crowley hadn’t been hanging onto a fragment of the [library of Alexandria] for so long? And if he had, what did it mean that he had given it to Aziraphale?

The door creaked open. Aziraphale finally remembered he’d forgotten to lock the door as well and got up to deal with whoever it was.

“Angel! What do you say to lunch at the Ritz?” Aziraphale tensed even more as the attention of his thoughts waltzed into the room.

 

> 1 Aziraphale usually just made Suggestions. Orders were not considered particularly angelic. 2
> 
> 2Good thing Heaven wasn’t paying much attention to him these days.
> 
> 3 Most angels would assume the demon had miracled attention from the scroll. Aziraphale, who had seen Crowley cry over snakes while drunk, knew better.
> 
> 4 He was too shaken to bother actually making it. Or notice that he had miracled it.

 

“Ah! Crowley! Yes 1, well, just give me a moment to clean this up.” Crowley stared, bewildered, as Aziraphale rushed around, picking up a few books that had fallen off of the counter.

The angel usually wasn’t quite so uncoordinated.  _Especially_ not around his books.

“Are you alright? He asked, trying to sound as if he wasn’t concerned. 2

“I’m fine! Just peachy, absolutely tickety-boo!” The frantic angel said, bending to scoop up a few other books.

“Erm.” Crowley avoided comment and sat on the edge of the desk.

 

As soon as Aziraphale had finished putting the books away, he’d rushed towards the door, seeming to forget about Crowley altogether. The aforementioned demon just shrugged, chalking it up to too many customers going into the shop, and followed him.

 

> 1 Aziraphale had become a lot faster at accepting Crowley’s requests after the Apoca-no-not-really. Crowley wasn’t complaining.
> 
> 2 And failing miserably.
> 
>  

Aziraphale internally panicked as Crowley continued to talk. How would one even bring the tablet up into casual conversation?

‘So, about that tablet that you gave me ten years ago....’

‘Where did you really get the Epic of Gilgamesh that you gave me?’

‘How long have you had the-’

“Angel, are you even listening to me?” Crowley cut off.

“Yes. Yes, of course, I am. Why would you think that I wasn’t?” Aziraphale blustered. 1

The disheartened demon sighed. “No reason.” 

“Listen, Crowley, where did you  _actually_  get the Epic of Gilgamesh?” 2 Aziraphale asked, folding his hands across his lap. Primly.

Having not expected that question, Crowley drew back in surprise. “What?”

“I know you insinuated that they were from a museum, but a young man informed me that they had never been displayed in a museum in the first place, and now I’m not sure what to think.” Aziraphale rambled.

Crowley blinked a few times. 3

“I’m sure he must have been mistaken.” He lied. It would have been convincing if his voice hadn’t cracked in the middle.

Aziraphale blinked back at him. “Then where did you get the tablet from?”

“Ermm.” The demon had the expression of someone who desperately wanted to lie but could not. 4 “Imayhavehaditlyingaroundforacouplemillenia?”

“What?” Aziraphale stopped taking bites of his sushi. 5 

“I may have-”

“No, no. Yes, I caught that part. Just,” The angel paused and mentally recalibrated. “why would you have that?”

Crowley, who had a tedious aversion of lying to Aziraphale, sighed. “I had been in the area to commit a few wiles when I saw it for sale.”

“And what then?”

“I thought you might like it...?” The demon, who tried to pretend he was cool but really wasn’t, trailed off.

The two of them sat in silence.

 

> 1 Crowley had noticed Aziraphale’s absent mindness five minutes ago and had started talking about all the ways he could eat a mouse whole. The people in the neighboring tables had started to inch away.
> 
> 2 Crowley would love to pretend he didn’t have an index of all of Aziraphale’s texts. Although to say that would be lying.
> 
> 3 Not that anyone could see.
> 
> 4 There was no lie that would have worked. What could he have said? ‘I flew to the Mesopotamian area and found this lying about’?
> 
> 5 A great indication of how shocked he was.
> 
>  

“Why did you hold onto it for so long?” Aziraphale demanded. 1

“Ngk.” Replied Crowley, who had felt embarrassed about gifting anything to a non-quite-a-friend when he’d first acquired the tablet. 3 

“And why hadn’t you told me where you’d gotten it from?”

Crowley, who had thought Aziraphale would have gotten the wrong idea 4, decided to lie. “I have a  _reputation_ , angel. It wouldn’t do if I were just gifting angels all nilly-willy, would it?”

Aziraphale, who was pretty sure that was exactly what he had been doing, did not comment. “Yes, well, thank you, dear. That really was quite  _nice_  of you to do. It’s a lot better knowing you didn’t steal from a museum for my sake.”

“Oh shut it. You would have been fine if it were from a museum. You’re just enough of a bastard when it comes to your books.” 

“Mediums of literature.” Aziraphale corrected, still smiling angelically. “I do mean it, my dear. Thank you.” He leaned over and kissed his cheek. 5

Crowley melted into his chair. 6

 

> 1 In the absence of anything else to say. Other than blush furiously. 2 The tablet seemed like a very couple thing to give, didn’t it? All ‘Oh, I thought of you when I saw this’. 
> 
> 2 Not to say that he wasn’t blushing. He was still quite flustered. Really, both of them were sitting in a flustered silence.
> 
> 3 By the time they were good enough friends to give gifts, Crowley had felt too awkward to give something he’d had for so long. The shop had been a nice cover for a regular gift, but not so much for such a large one. Aziraphale’s assumption that it was stolen, or  _acquired_  from a museum was quite timely.
> 
> 4 He didn’t even really know what the wrong idea was. That the gift was romantic? Well, he supposed he didn’t want the angel  _knowing_  about his little infatuation.
> 
> 5 Crowley had been expecting his angel to be smug over Crowley’s ‘kindness’. He had not been expecting a kiss.
> 
> 6 Metaphorically, not literally.

**Author's Note:**

> Their Tumblr: https://buckysbears.tumblr.com/


End file.
